…it is not as clear as it seems


So…I mentioned it all started on Facebook.

After setting up my page and inviting local friends to join my list, I began to search names of people I had known from the past, first typing the name of a man with whom I’d had a fling 20 years earlier – Andrew.  I found him right away. I couldn’t remember how we’d ended, so I was a bit nervous about contacting him.  Every vein in my body pulsed as I clicked ‘Add Friend’.

Andrew accepted my friend request, and his ensuing messages showered me with compliments and expressions of regret that he had ever let me go.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, “With a husband that ‘showed me the door’ each time I attempted to talk about our marriage problems, Andrew’s messages quickly became a safe escape from my uncomfortable life.”

We had originally met while working stressful, unsatisfying restaurant manager positions in the same restaurant. We directed servers, customer service, menu planning and cooks, as we flirted with company rules and laughed at boundaries. Something wasn’t right about it all, but we had fun. I was excited to have found him again.

We quickly exchanged pleasantries, catching up on the larger facts of our lives: He was living in Boston, me in Chicago. He became a restaurant executive; I went on to teach college. He never married; I did. I quickly felt like I was living a revised version of ‘our story’, the way it should have played out all those years ago, as I fought an ever-present pull at my conscious.

Something wasn’t right. I knew it but ignored it. Am I alone? Has this happened to anyone else?

Emotional Abuse drives us to find relief from isolation.

Has an online relationship helped you to escape?


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2 thoughts on “Escape…

  1. interesting blog. Thanks for sharing. I can’t relate in an online way however I was with a narcissist who was absolute Prince Charming at the start……problem was I fell in love with the illusion of who he was and what he had made me to believe. I believed I was in a happy healthy relationship where he adored me and I because I wanted to believe in this so much I ignored the red flags of things that weren’t right in the relationship. I know for me I had to recognise why I wanted the perfect relationship so bad…..even to the point where I’d created it in my own head. A very dangerous place to be in. I learnt the hard way.

    • Amanda T. on said:

      We all learn the hard way!

      I appreciate your sharing your story too. It is so unbelievably easy to get caught up in our initial perceptions of someone. Narcissists work hard at making a dazzling first impression. These insidious men (or women) try to construct our reality to the point that those impressions stick with us long after facts point to a different kind of truth. By the time we see the ‘flags’, we simply need to believe that ‘all is well.’ We don’t see the danger zone. It’s not clearly marked.

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