Loving

…it is not as clear as it seems

I went online for a reason…

I was on the edge of divorce. My husband seemed perpetually irritated by my existence, often indicating that each breath I took was some sort of selfish act. He would regularly spew verbally abusive comments that I awkwardly dodged as he hurled them at me with all of his intellectual strength.

In addition to the abuse, he hadn’t made love to me in nine years. Andrew’s attention gave me an incredible high – I felt pretty, sexy, smart and competent.

I returned his ever-increasing flirtatious comments with daring enthusiasm and candor, leading to my development of a vocabulary of an experienced porn writer. With each disclosure, I became bolder. I looked forward to each message that encouraged further creative adjective and verb use. I could not get him out of my mind. I struggled to focus on daily tasks and responsibilities.

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One thought on “I went online for a reason…

  1. Amanda T. on said:

    Here is a fantastic list of basic rights we all have in our relationships. Counseling Center at University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign: http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/self-help-brochures/relationship-problems/emotional-abuse/

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