Loving

…it is not as clear as it seems

Archive for the tag “electronic love”

Google let me down…

I searched the Internet for relief. Surely someone else was going through this, I thought.  But my Google searches came up mostly empty.  I could find nothing written by experts that could explain my plight.  I turned to blogs and discussion forums, but found few discussing a scenario exactly like mine, though some were similar.  

On one site, a woman blogged about a man in her office who would write titillating emails to her throughout the workday, but would not acknowledge the emails – or her – when they passed each other in the halls of the company building.  When she pressed the man for a date, he stopped emailing her. He made it clear he did not want anything beyond cyberspace. I also came across a woman begging someone to answer her question, “What if he emails but won’t call?”

 I understood her hope that someone would post a logical, livable answer. I was disappointed when no one did.  I needed to know that my electronic love was somehow ‘right’, even though every part of my being was telling me that it was not.

Have you ever mistakenly moved forward as your spirit tried its best to hold you back?

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Am I the only one to fall in love online?

It pummeled my heart like an intense flash of light punishes the eye. An unexpected and unwelcome epiphany. Standing in Chicago’s Midway airport, returning from a solo trip to Denver, I understood that my deeply intimate, all-consuming relationship must end. It should not have been a difficult decision.

My love – the man who made me breathless just at the thought of his touch — never actually touched me at all. He also never called me on the phone or took me to dinner. In fact, I never once spent time with him in the flesh.

My boyfriend lived in my computer, so to speak. Ours was an electronically-mediated relationship, lasting one year, one month and 20 days. One would think that a professional, suburban mom in her mid-forties would be immune from the lure of love and sex on the Internet.  I was not.

It started on Facebook.

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